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I was left alone for a period of time. Somehow, I felt very empty, felt my time is wasted. Then I do something, that is, to go to church alone. All alone, its either that someone accompanys me there or I won't go. Either that, I am very conscious of what my friend will think of me when I go with a friend that I restrict my thoughts and actions. But recently, I listened to each and every word of the message. And I mean LISTEN not just HEAR.
I forgot how many weeks back I done this, until I found myself changing TOTALLY! When I first did this, I thought I wanted something to spend time since I got nothing better to do. Until suddenly, I realised I found love. Pure true love. Something I NEVER experience before in my entire life. Its much stronger than the love which exists between my boyfriend or whatsoever. Suddenly, I realised I have love and compassion. I never realised that, until Vanessa tells me. What I am experiencing, is compassion and love.
Whoever knows me, knows I used to hate children. Hate them to the core. But now, I am suprised, greatly suprised, that I love them. When I see some kids running in front of me. I felt the urge to protect them. Can you imagine that? The more I attend church, the more the sense of love flows through me that it is overpowering. I begin to care more about the people around me, their health, their well being, their woes, the joys. I felt compassion. I can tell who are those which need compassion exactly at just one glance. I have received undeserved wisdom to know who are pretending. I know exactly who is pretending.
One shortcoming I always have in the past. Patience. I really lack that in the past. When someone blocks my way, I will get fairly irritated. Now I realised that I will just stop and wait if I felt the need to. All these things I experienced are all intangible. People cannot see them, but I had experienced them myself.
Previously, I just say I am a Christian. But I don't really have much faith. I don't feel like doing the things which are good. Now I can tell you, naturally I want to do do. Its just like I got some prompting inside me to ask me to do good. My faith is as strong as rock. The exact feelings I felt is never once felt before. I realised all the transformation only happened when I attend church. Its like when I seek for His Word, his love and power overflow in me.
My perception of a relationship also changes. My parther must be a Christian, one who is a strong believer. Only then, he will be on par thinkings as me, have the same beliefs I hold, felt the same way I felt, have the same purpose as I have. And I know success, health and wealth will follow us where ever we go. Only then, I will feel true love with him, because now, I have love for everyone.
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